Yesterday I was at my local TSC store buying a large bag of my dog’s food for my loyal livestock guard dog and was in the checkout when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog?

What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again.

I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I’d lost 10 pounds before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.

The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I stepped off the curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s rear end and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

I’m now banned from Tractor Supply.

Better watch what you ask retired people.

They have all the time in the world to think of things to say.