I had a call from a scammer the other day. 

Me: “Hello.”

Scammer: (Heavy Foreign Accent) “Hello. This is Tom Smith from Microsoft Support. We are seeing a lot of virus activity coming from your device.”

Me: “Oh no. My device? Are you sure?”

Scammer: “Oh yes, Madam. We have many reports.”

Me: “Oh, jeez. How can I fix it?”

Scammer: “It’s okay, Madam. We can help you right now. Are you in front of your device?”

Me: “Yes. I was just about to use it. I’m glad you called.”

Scammer: “Good, Madam. Please push the Start button.”

Me: “I think it’s already on.”

Scammer: “Okay, Madam. Now click on Control Panel.”

Me: “I don’t see that.”

Scammer: “Do you see a bunch of information above the Start button?”

Me: “Yes.”

Scammer: “That is your Control Panel.”

Me: “Wow. I didn’t realize it had a name.”

Scammer: “Yes, Madam. Now press Internet Options.”

Me: “I don’t see any Internet options. I don’t think I bought that feature. This is just a cheap one.”

Scammer: “All devices have Internet, Madam. Press the Start button again.”

Me: “Okay. Same as before.”

Scammer: “That’s fine, Madam. We will restart your device. Please turn it off.”

Me: “Um… I don’t know how. I’ve never turned it off. It kind of just stays on.”

Scammer: “There must be an off button. How do you stop it when it’s running?”

Me: “I usually press the big button.”

Scammer: “Okay, Madam. Press that button.”

Me: “Okay.”

Scammer: “Is your device off?”

Me: “No. The door popped open.”

Scammer: “Door? Is there a disc inside?”

Me: “No. There’s a burrito.” 

Scammer: “Why is there a burrito in your computer?”

Me: “Computer? I thought you said this was microwave support.”