One morning, Pete groaned to his buddy, “Ugh, my head is killing me. Should I see a doctor?”

His friend laughed. “Why bother? There’s this new high-tech kiosk at the pharmacy. You just pee in a cup, drop $20 in the slot, and it tells you what’s wrong—faster and cheaper than a doctor!”

Pete shrugged. “Well… why not?”

He filled a small container, went to the pharmacy, poured in the sample, inserted $20, and waited.

The machine whirred, blinked like a disco, and printed a note:
“Diagnosis: Migraine. Get more rest, drink plenty of water, avoid stress and bright lights. Check back in two weeks.”

Pete grinned. “Wow… this thing really works!”

But curiosity got the better of him. Could it handle something weird?

So he concocted a wild mix—tap water, a little dog mess, some of his wife’s pee, a bit of his daughter’s pee, and a splash of motor oil. He shook it like a cocktail and marched back to the pharmacy.

He poured in the bizarre mixture, slid $20 into the slot, and said, “Same headache, doc.”

The machine buzzed, beeped, and finally printed:
“Tap water contaminated. Dog has ringworm. Daughter is pregnant. Wife’s been very social—five new friends in six months. Car radiator failing. No wonder your head hurts!”

Pete turned pale, folded the slip, and muttered, “Yeah… maybe just stick to aspirin.”